Actual Interaction No Longer Neccessary for Healthy, Mututally Satisfying Relationship with Human Female

Now you can experience the pleasure of having a girlfriend in a realistic simulation that has absolutely no creepy overtones whatsoever.

Evidence.

Spoiler: she is inexplicably turned on by fake hockey games with her girlfriends.

Second spoiler: most of these simulated activites work extremely well with "real" women.

Unfortunately, Penthouse has not yet created a function that controls against the jealousy that you will inevitably experience when you discover that Elektra, as you call her, is cheating on you with Rich, the IT guy 3 cubicles over.

Editor's Note: Now, I've never actually seen a woman, but I have it on very good authority that they all are some basic form of this:

Warning: NSFW

"Ummmmmmmmm boy oh boy, I could eaat a whole pot of these when my Mom cooks them. Not sure what else to say about them other than they are sooooooo good"

Now With Controversial "Red Bell Pepper" Review

Women Now Have More Time for SHOPPING!!!!!!!

The Supreme Court handed down a real time saver for all us ladies who can never find enough hours in the day to go on and on about worrying over our rights and our bodies.

Thanks, gentlemen.

Now if Congress could only figure out a way to tell me who I should marry and what type of profession my gender is best suited for, I might be able to finally organize my closet AND figure out what to cook for dinner!

I wonder what I'll "choose" to do with all my free time??

I might finish my scrapbooking, or take a bellydancing class....

or...

I have it!!!!



Edit: Upon review, the above scene looks like an abortion waiting to happen. Never mind! I guess I'll take up knitting instead.

Wednesday Night Now Officially Gayest Night in Primetime

If you thought Wednesday nights were gay before (you did), prepare to set your gaydar to stun(ing) with the addition of one hot mess of a new t.v. show: Shear Genius. Wednesday already had it's fair share of the gay quota filled with America's Next Top Model, the show that brought us intimate knowledge of things like fierceness, the difference between a Mr. and a Mrs. Jay, and barely restrained sexual tension between Tyra and a pile of ribs that was always positioned just off screen.

Bravo has now taken things to the next level with a show that threatens to set your "gay max on freaking overdrive," says Robert Ebert.

Exhibit A:

The "Tim Gunn" of this series.

Who, mathematically, is basically:

+

/

Exhibit B:

Sparkles could be emanating from his fingers and this picture wouldn't be any gayer.

Exhibit C:

The funny feeling I get when I see this.

Seperated at birth?

Or only by my desire?

Watch this show or forget what it's like to be human.

Straights, Gays Now Have Equal Right to Creep the Hell out of Wedding Guests

In a giant step towards equality for all, Disney announced that it would allow gay and lesbian couples the right to purchase one of their "Fairy Tale Wedding" packages and hold commitment ceremonies inside their Disneyworld and Disneyland complexes. http://money.cnn.com/2007/04/05/news/companies/disney_gayweddings.reut/?postversion=2007040519

If you are too lazy to follow the link here is the juiciest bit:

The Lavish Wedding Option also includes a ride to the ceremony in the Cinderella coach, costumed trumpeters heralding the couple's arrival, and attendance by Mickey and Minnie Mouse characters dressed in formal attire.

We are just one step closer to that blessed day when Precious Moments commitment ceremonies are open to everyone with unresolved issues from childhood.


Crossbreeding?

Die Young or Die Trying

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