Warning: It's pretty likely that responding to this ad will get you murdered

Just how many red flags can there be in one incredibly sofakeit'sunbelievable craigslist ad can there be? Let's count the ways:

#1: This only proves the guy has probably watched Brewster's Millions more than just once.

#2: No one loves DC.

#3: I know MY investors absolutely HATE the idea of CEO types entering into consensual heterosexual relationships.

#4: Prostitutes.

#5: No rich person in the history of rich people, dating from Jesus to Donald Trump, has ever used the word "real" when not immediately followed by "estate."

#6: This stock photo of a champagne cork being released is possibly the most believable thing about this ad. If only I had someone REAL to share it with.